You know that feeling when you want to cry and it’s simultaneously from joy but also sadness? That’s the feeling when your baby turns one. That’s the feeling I have now because my baby is about to be ONE. 


I share a lot about birth around here, so I thought I would take a second to share about my own birth of my first baby, Ezra. Mostly I write this for myself to look back on and process and celebrate. But if you decide to read it, I hope it can give you some insight and encouragement as well.


The Prep 


The first Thing you need to know is that I’ve been terrified of giving birth for as long as I can remember. My whole pregnancy I felt it looming above my head. But I educated myself through birth classes with our doula, and tried to prepare my heart and mind as much as I could. I had a birth playlist full of worship songs and I would fall asleep to a meditation every night while I diffused calming essential oils. I felt as prepared as I could be! 


My due date was March 22nd, and I watched as each day ticked on without even a small sign of labor. I was trying not to get discouraged, but I felt like I was living in limbo land because I didn’t really know when it was going to happen and I felt like I couldn’t plan anything in case he came!

Early Labor


I started feeling contractions for the first time on March 30th. They were pretty small and far apart, but they never really stopped, so I knew it wasn’t braxton hicks. This was the real deal! I tried not to get too excited and instead just let them run their course. Unfortunately, they continued on for DAYS without getting any closer together, but at least they weren’t getting more intense either… I tried to keep myself busy and I even ended up going to a friend's birthday party on April 1st all while still having contractions!

At Home


In the afternoon of April 2nd the contractions started speeding up just a little. I tried to carry on as normal and just live my life. I remember making dinner at home with my husband as the contractions started picking up even more. I was eating bites of Salmon and broccoli in between contractions, and starting to think about calling our Doula. After facetiming with us and seeing a few of my contractions ( and determining that this was starting to really pick up) she made her way to our house, probably about 6-7pm. At this point I was needing to lean on David a lot between contractions and Reanna (the Doula) was helping relieve some pressure on my hips. In between contractions I was still able to have conversations and joke around, but I would usually end up interrupting someone mid sentence with my groans. We went like this for another few hours and I even tried to get a little sleep, but when it was around 2 am and I couldn’t get comfortable because of the contractions, we all knew it was time to head to the hospital.

The Hospital


Because it was 2am we came into the hospital through the ER and they insisted on taking me up to L&D in a wheelchair event hough I wanted to walk. She always drove the wheelchair over the bumps right as I was having a contraction…


The nurses of course did a cervical exam when I got there and I didn’t want to know how far along I was, but it turns out, I was about 7cm! They thought I would be giving birth within a few hours… oh how I wish that was the case.


I hate hospitals, and tried to make this birth feel as little like a hospital as possible. I wore my own delivery gown, I had music and essential oils diffusing, and I didn;t want an IV, I opted for a saline lock instead just incase. After getting checked they brought the nurse around to put in the saline lock and she missed my vein TWICE before calling for a paramedic with an ultrasound machine ensuring  me that he would get it on the next try… he didn’t. I guess 4th time was the charm. 


Dealing with that as soon as we got to the hospital really set me up for failure, unfortunately. The pain that shot up my arm each time she missed my vein stuck around for weeks afterword. And definitely didn’t make me feel very comfortable in the hospital setting.

The Epidural 


I labored for HOURS. I watched the sun rise and set again all while still in the hospital. I watched three different shifts of nurses come and go, all while I was still in labour.  Pain management tactics were working fairly well, until they weren’t. I wanted to give birth naturally, but honestly, my body needed a break, the whole birth team needed a break. So I decided it was time to get an epidural. And I’m glad I did. That epidural provided me with some much needed relief and we all got to take a nap. Unfortunately, the relief slowed my contractions down quite a bit, so they gave me some Pitocin to see if that would speed things up but they were cautioning me the whole time that if this didn't work we’d have to consider a C-section. Well, praise the Lord it worked! After about 4 hours on the epidural, it was time to start pushing

He’s Finally Here


I pushed for 2 hours. Or at least that’s what I was told. I was so exhausted I couldn’t stay awake in between pushes, but I do remember the atmosphere in the delivery room was light, we were smiling and making jokes and things felt so hopeful, the end was finally in sight.


At 10:12pm on April 3rd 2023 after 36 hours of labor, my baby was finally in my arms. We agreed to name him Ezra because it means “ The Lord will help.” and boy did we need His help to get our little boy out into the world. And now, a year later I can say, I am still in need of that help and guidance everyday. This past year has been like nothing I have experienced before. And when i think back to how labor went, I realize how I faced one of my biggest fears and I feel pretty darn good about that. I am amazed at the strength of a mother as she raises her babies, but also from the very start. Moms, we are amazing!